The Reason

I've been wondering to myself, why have I stopped blogging. Not totally stop, just infrequent. I'm actually on a holiday and there's nothing for me to write about, I cannot find any inspiration for writing, I don't feel as bad I guess... these are just excuses. I can find 100 000 reasons not to post any entry if I don't want to write and I can also find 1000 000 reasons to write if I want to. It all depends on whether I choose to write or not to write.

So, I've chosen to write. I want to write more often because I find my blog really empty. I was never like this. I used to blog two or three times a week. Sometimes everyday. Now, a few months once. Bleehh.... To sum up, a lot has been going on lately that I don't even have the time to write about them. *reasons again*

1st- My 4th sister got married, happily to a man she loves, got a new job that she likes.

2nd- My bro is going to try his luck on a new job.

3rd- My 2nd sis is busy with her new job and working from 8.30am to 12am. I have to drive her home every night. My dad said he needs his sleep. It's true 'cos he has to wake up at 5am.

4th- My trip to KL starts on Dec 26th, just a day after Christmas. I can still see the celebration of Christmas in Kuching. JJ is going on Dec 25th.

5th- After this, I am not sure if I will have the chance to meet JJ anymore even though we are both in KL. We are having our practicals at different companies, separated by one hour drive and for the record, I do not have a car. Going to the train station costs RM10 taxi fare, taking the train RM4 which takes 1 hour too. So, it will be quite a hassle there. Plus I will not be so sure that the taxi driver is honest enough to give me a ride. Heard scary stories about taxi drivers in KL and Selangor. To be honest, I'm not ready yet to go to KL. I do not want to experience worse things than the one that I have experienced. This is the time that I need something or someone to hold on to and normally, one would pray to God. The thing is, in Buddhism there are too many Gods and Goddess that I do not know which to pray for. The thing that I will do is try to work on my merits so that my good Karma will increase. I'll try to go for chanting every Friday night too.

I know that I have to practice letting go and non-self but the thing is I cannot stand pain. How is pain non-self? It's painful, is it not? Sometimes I just wish that I am a nun so that I am safe from snatch thieves and falling as victims for all the crimes in KL. By the way, one of my coursemate just got snatched nearby her place too not long ago. Although it's not in KL but in Selangor, it's just half an hour away from KL. I get frustrated, angered, unsatisfied when I read a lot of rape issues regarding taxi drivers and the latest was on May 2009. What in the world is going on? These psychos. If I ever work in Selangor, I'll definitely buy a car.